Here are some of my thoughts about how you can build and maintain a great relationship with your daughter…
(A lot of them work for boys too)
- BE A DAD FIRST AND A FRIEND SECOND – This is a HUGE! Some parents are so desperate to not lose their kids they will let things go and not say ‘no’ in an attempt to keep them close and not have them go into a mood or worse. To be REALLY honest, if you are worried about that then some of these points should have been followed YEARS ago, but still, it is NEVER too late to be a parent – put boundaries, values and restrictions into place and stick to them. In the long run your daughter will thank you for them. Trust me.
- DATE YOUR DAUGHTER (regardless of age) – Whether it is a walk with her in the stroller or a coffee at sbux – take her on a weekly DDD (Daddy-Daughter-Date). The affect that this has in building a great relationship is huge. Take her to the movies, make a fuss of her – make her feel that she is important (because she is!). Show her what it is like to be treated well and then she won’t settle for anything less from any guy in the future!
- DON’T EVER STOP GIVING THEM HUGS – There is an awkward time when your daughter suddenly becomes ‘woman-like’ and there is a temptation to not be affectionate with them because it might be embarrassing. Hopefully, you have brought your girl up in a loving and affectionate atmosphere (girls will find it elsewhere if you don’t provide it at home). Continue to be close to your daughter – hug them, hold their hands, link arms when you go for a walk and tell them you love them – everyday. It’s the best thing.
- ACTIVELY LISTEN- show genuine interest to what she has to say. If you have heard the story a million times before – it doesn’t matter. It is important that she sees that you are interested and willing to listen. She will be far more likely to listen to you when you need to give some advice and direction.
- RESIST THE URGE TO CONSTANTLY GIVE ADVICE – choose your times carefully. Sometimes all you need to do is nod, smile and tell her that you love her. LATER (or next week) maybe a better time to bring something up. Sometimes, they don’t want advice they just need someone to vent to – better you than some kid down the road.
- DON’T FREAK OUT ABOUT BOYS – Boys happen… whether you like it or (more likely) not. Better to ask her and chat about it. I regularly ask my girls about boy ’stuff’ and my experience is that they openly chat and ask for advice. Expect them to like someone and then chat about what they like and why. Take an interest. In order for this to be affective though, the next point is vital…
- SHOW THAT YOU TRUST THEM – This is back to the open hand and closed hand living. Somehow I have to keep my kids in an open hand – trusting them to make the right decisions in life without having to control them (closed hand) and therefore push them away.
- DON’T LIE - Always follow through with what you say. Whether it is a promise or form of discipline… always follow through with what you say (this is really important when your children are young)
- GET TO KNOW WHO THEY ARE HANGING OUT WITH – The biggest influence in the life of a teenager is their friends. If you don’t know who it is they are spending most of their time with you are in trouble. Ask positive questions and show genuine interest. Oh, and be careful who they have sleepovers with…
- MAKE MEMORIES A PRIORITY NOT GIFTS – Look for opportunities to do things that you will be able to talk about in the years to come. Gifts get lost, misued or broken. Memories are always there to smile about. They are often cheaper too!
- TELL THEM THAT THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL (BECAUSE THEY ARE!!) – Along with “I love you” these are some of the most powerful words a Dad can tell his daughter. It means the WORLD to them. If you don’t recognize them and their beauty they will seek that attention elsewhere. They might shrug it off and pretend it doesn’t matter to them – it does… keep saying it.
That’s it for now…
Go have a DDD!
